By Stephen Tremblay

I remarked to a friend of mine as we walked down Queen Street that “the law is fluid”. The homeless man we happened to pass added, “the law is malleable”. I turned and smiled at him. There was a brief moment of recognition between us; a moment when two people see that they are both on the same page.

I said to a co-worker at lunch break, “people don’t see the truth unless they look for it”. He was sharing current events with me and discussing the state of the nation as we all do when we have little in common and are tired of work talk. I received the “huh?” look for my insight and I know he contemplated the meaning of those words. I ask myself often if I am looking or not. Here’s my latest story of discovery.

I was given a choice at work this week, either I follow rules x,y,z, without question, or I move on. Simple, direct, and scary, too. In the past I would have crumbled and done whatever was asked of me with my tail between my legs or blown a gasket and caused some real chaos. Both lead to pain, and both are unhealthy and destructive. Feelings of shame, guilt, confusion, anger, blaming, getting even… (well, you get the picture) usually follow. Then I stay angry and quit later. I’m happy to say that I do not live that way today.

I took the rest of the day off work to reflect and digest my situation. Only two choices. I wrote in my journal. I made lists; I changed those lists. I wrote explanations and rehearsed them in the mirror. I had conversations with my good friends. I got angry, screamed in my car with the windows up, rode my bike, and tried to ignore the fear that crept in. I meditated and found the sweet, fuzzy safe zone where the nugget of truth unearthed itself.

I cannot in any way guarantee that I will follow all rules without question ever. I cannot lie to myself or to my boss. This is the truth for me and all I had to do was look.

So now I’m unemployed. I called the next day. I felt my heart pound, and the anticipation before my boss answered and dove into the truth. We were calm; he accepted my resignation although he sounded confused. It’s like this is a new experience for him. There were good luck wishes and a feeling of mutual respect. No animosity or threats like in the past. Cool, clean, complete.

I have my doubts and worries, of course. I have always stuck out a job until another came around, no matter how bad things got. I think about reputation, future employers, and money. These thoughts come and go; they don’t own me.

I get everything I ask for. You see, I wanted to do exactly what my true self wants. I kept my integrity and morals, acted with love not hate, and I gained the best reward of all. That reward is the feeling of power and invincibility. Protection. Safety. The deep knowing of another truth for me and the courage to follow my heart’s lead.

Have you ever sat down and looked for the truth? Removed all the lies and fears of others? Shut off social media and the news? Sat in silence and witnessed? Do you want to know your lines in the sand? Do you open yourself to the truth or turn away as it is easier to ignore? How else will you know unless you seek?